FR: Restarting Something

A little backstory on the girl I took out on Friday, let's call her HB BayArea.

So I met this girl during the summer after my sophmore year at UCLA. She was originally from the Bay Area and came down to visit one of my good friends. He didn't know what to do to entertain her, where to take her, etc., so he calls me up and asks me to help him out. Being the good friend, I agree to help him out.

We hit it off pretty well at the time, but there was a slight problem. I had a gf at the time and I wasn't about to cheat on my gf with her (although she was WAY hotter than my gf. haha).

So anyway, she leaves to go back home and we stay in touch.

Fast forward half a year and I break up with my gf (not because of HB BayArea), but for other reasons.

After I broke up with my ex, HB BayArea and I started talking more and we would visit each other pretty much every other week, whether she flew/drove down or I flew/drove up. It helped that my best friend from high school was going to Cal and I could crash at his place.

But alas, during all that time and having a gf for so long, I had become totally AFC and never made a move on her. Things kind of fizzled, we got into arguments over stuff and we sort of lost contact. We still chatted every once in a while, but things were never the same.

Fast forward 5 years or so and she decides she's going to move down to LA. I meet her and another friend up for dinner one night and we leave it at that.

She texts me one night asking me what I was going to do and would I "be weirded out if [she] pops up? Lik stalking [me] and stuff" That was the essence of her text. So I play it off and start on a role-play where she's stalking me and this thread of her stalking me continues up until Friday night (this started in February - I know this because I have a bad habit of never deleting my text msgs).

This role-play was very helpful in the fact that I turned the tables on her. Basically, the undertone is that she's the crazy one that's chasing after me. it's not longer me that's going after her. Even though it's in a joking manner, it still sets that idea in her head.

During the last month, I had been busting her on how bad of a stalker she is. I had never even seen her "lurking in any dark corners." I gave her an ultimatum to shape up as a stalker or she could no longer stalk me. This coincided with the fact that the guy she is/was talking to at the time gave her an ultimatum that she needed to change or he didn't want to hang around her anymore, which got her pretty upset. By jokingly tell her to shape up as a stalker, I was turning her negative feelings into positive ones and having her associate that change to positive feelings to me. It got her off her negative thread and also got her off the thread about the guy she was talking to. The conversations focused on us rather than about her and that guy.

Anyway, fast forward to this past Friday.

So I was supposed to meet up with jeromevincent, ch0n60, and Ulysses at Cha Cha Lounge (I learned on Saturday that setarcos and 4Five6 were also there - sorry to miss out guys) on Friday night, but I got a late start to the night and decided against going to Silverlake to Cha Cha Lounge.

Instead, I decided to hang out with HB BayArea, a girl I used to date pre-community. I was totally AFC back then and things were completely different. I never even got the nerve to kiss her back then. However, tonight, I decided to change all that shit.

By change, I was determined to at least try to kiss her. If I got rejected, so what? I didn't care. This girl hadn't really been in my life in years, so if I fucked up, I wouldn't really be losing anything. Plus, a good undertone had been set in the previous conversations. If now wasn't the time, it would never happen. Coupled with the progress that I have made over the last couple of weeks, I figured it was time to put all of that to the test and to take the next step in my game.

I went to pick her up from her place (not really good logistics, but I would make i work to my advantage later on) in Santa Monica around 11 and headed off to Main Street. We were going to spend the night bar hopping and started at the Library. However, they didn't have anymore Chimay on tap, so I decided that we should go somewhere else (leader).

We went to World Cafe and she bought the first round (Compliance from her). I was a little cold (as in, not really in state) and the conversation was kind of forced, but that would soon change. She was telling me about her move down here and how she was late to class one day because she missed her flight because she was carrying a "50 lb. bag." I busted on her for not just shipping the stuff down. Then I talked about my flight to Vegas that I almost missed.

In our interactions before, as in 5 years ago, she would just keep telling me stories and I would have a little input here and there. However, tonight, I had my own stories to tell and would bust her on her stories. My vibing skills have greatly improved and tonight was a reflection of that. We got some mojitos and sat down and chatted some more.

We talked about the guy she is/was talking to. Enter the boyfriend destroyer. I basically started telling her that I could tell he was a nice guy and that he's sounds perfect for her. If you attack the boyfriend, she will defend him. If you play him up, she will bring him down. However, you don't want to play him up too much or she will think you're full of it. I played it just right and she started to go off on him. He's not physically attractive, he has boobs, he's a square, etc. I reaffirm that, now I can see why you like him. She laughs. I cut the thread and we start talking about something else.

Somehow, we get on a thread about being bi. She said that she's totally straight now. Now? I ask her about that. She says yeah, I used to date this girl, but I'm rough in bed and I feel like I'm going to break the girl. (she proceeds to grab my arm and squeeze it really hard - good thing I work out. haha) I don't show my excitement. I just say, "cool."

We start talking about this guy that she knows who loves popcorn chicken and she says that he said it's like having an "orgasm in his mouth." As you can tell, our conversations were very sexual. Good stuff. I vibe off that, make jokes, banter. Somehow tangent to talk about my best friend that went to Cal and still lives up in the Bay Area. She tangents to talk about some guy who has a boat up there in the Bay Area. Talks about how he was a player even though he has boos. I respond with, "shit, so THAT's why I don't get a ton of chicks. I don't have man-boobs! FUCK!" She laughs. I'm obviously disqualifying myself, but at the same time, she knows I'm in shape and I work out, so I actually have more value than those guys she knows (Value).

She brought down the guy she is/was talking to and I'm filling the void she has created, not by talking shit about him or playing up my attributes but disqualifying myself about attributes that aren't relevant or attributes that I have that I know are attractive.

During this whole time, I had been kinoing the fuck out of her (her shoulder, her elbow, knees touching, and later grabbing and tickling her). This was also something that was lacking 5 years ago. Essentially, I was a totally different person than how how she probably remembers. I was confident, cocky funny, kinoing the fuck out of her, and our conversations were really interesting. I was confident and I didn't give a fuck.

We decided to switch it up and go to Finn McCools. She put her arm in mine and we walked there arm in arm. We get there and get a couple car bombs. She's holding my hand. I would let it go from time to time and she would come back and try to hold my hand. Things were going just like I thought they should.

After our car bombs, we decide to go to Circle Bar to do some dancing. We get in and start dancing, but we have jackets on and she wants to drop them off at the car so we can dance more freely. We walk back to the car holding hands and drop off our jackets. I kiss her on her cheek on the walk back (Attainability). She seems to respond to it well since she giggles like a little schoolgirl after I did it.

She also has cigarettes and asks me to hold them. This girl has a total princess attitude and thinks the guy should do everything for her. However, this night, I made her buy me drinks and I didn't give in to holding her cigarettes. She kept trying to get me to hold them but I just kept holding her hand away from me all the way from the car (which was by Finn McCools) back to Circle Bar. I kept my frame as the more dominant one and she ended up being the one to finally give in and having to hold them (and then losing them at Circle Bar). If I gave in, it would have been like old times and all that was built up over the night would have been lost. During the walk back and her trying to give me the cigarettes, I was kinoing the whole time. Holding her around her waist and holding her arm out away from us so that her cigarettes were never close to me. Then I would hold her, grab her, and tickle her if her arm got too close to my pockets.

After we get back to circle bar, I keep pumping the buying temperature by leading her, kinoing her, dancing with her, being more aggressive, and being more dominant. She's totally into it. As we're leaving, she stops to talk to some black dudes (she has a habit of talking to random people). She's chatting with them and so I leave to go talk to other people. I'm not going to sit around and wait for her ass. I guess I could have played this better by integrating myself into their group, but I wasn't really thinking straight. She eventually leaves Circle Bar and comes out and finds me where I'm talking to other people.

She then goes and finds another black dude to talk to. They're chatting it up and the dude totally wants to get her number. He asks if we're dating and I say no, so he tries to run game on her. I'm like OMG, and so again, I leave her to find other people to talk to. After she's done, she goes to my car and calls for me, wondering where I am. I love it. I walk back to my car after I'm done and she's like, where have you been? I'm like, well, you decided to make friends, so I went and made some other friends. She doesn't seem too happy about this, so we end up driving back to her place.

On the way back, I get pulled over by a cop because one of my front lights is out. I start freaking out because I think I'm going to get a DUI. I know I'm over the limit and if they test me, I'll get a DUI. The cop asks for my driver's license and registration and tells me that he pulled me over because my front light is out. I tell him that I know and that I already have replacement bulbs which I promptly show to him. He says OK, let me run your license and registration. If it checks out, I'll let you on your way. Of course it checks out and he lets me on my way, but I'm still pretty amped up because of what could have happened. I decided to use this to my advantage.

I tell HB BayArea that I need a drink after getting pulled over and asks if she has any alcohol at her place. She says yeah, come on in for a drink. So we go into her place after I find a place to park.

We have a shot and then chill for a bit. She microwaves popcorn and starts feeding me popcorn (Compliance). It's cute. We chat for a bit.

I decide it's about for me to "leave." I knew all along that this would be where I would make my attempt. We give each other hugs. I kiss her on the cheek. While still holding her, I move my lips toward hers and she moves her lips toward mine and we start making out. We make out standing up and then I lead her over to the couch and push her over onto the couch (Dominance) and we make out some more. We keep making out. I start kissing her on her neck all the way down to her breasts. I lift up her shirt and start sucking on her nipples. This is the farthest I've ever gotten with this girl. We make out some more.

She makes out with me and then tells me she needs to go to bed so I tell her OK, and then let her go upstairs. She shuts off all the lights and I go upstairs to find her. We make out some more. Fall on her bed. Make out some more. She tells me that she'll call me tomorrow (she had previously told me during the night that she had to get up early and go to Riverside). I say, OK. I get up, fix myself up and leave.

This girl was a total challenge for me back in the day, but now, I see that the physical attraction was always there for her. I just needed to make the move and I did. holy shit, I made the move. I still can't believe I got as far with her as I did, but I guess it's all thanks to the community.

Looking back 2 days later, I totally could have blown through her ASD/LMR. I just needed to work it better. I guess I'm still too much of a nice guy - wanting to let her get enough sleep. Oh well. I'm sure I'll get another chance.

As for dating or getting into a LTR with this girl, I don't want that with her. She's just not the type of girl I'd want an exclusive LTR with anymore, but I could see her becoming a FB/mLTR.

Positives:
1) Perfect use of the VAC model in addition to DEVI.
2) Perfect use of kino.
3) Made a fucking move!

Negatives:
1) Didn't get laid because I didn't blast through ASD/LMR - still too nice.