Using Openers With Confidence

Found this great post through Grow Your Game from www.theseductionbible.com. Enjoy.

I just got back from a morning meeting. It was my first time at this new business networking association that I joined. At the meeting they have what they call a sixty second commercial for each member. This means that all the members have to stand in front of the group and give a short infomercial for their business. Well, as much stood there and rehearsed my “opener” when it came time to deliver i stumbled a bit.

Opening girls for me now is easy, but I felt a little bit out of my element opening a bunch of 40 year old business men and women. I knew what i wanted to say but when it came time to speak i lost my train of thought and went off on a tangent. This used to happen to me a lot when I first began opening sets a few years back. By the time I would actually open the girls I built it up so much in my mind that I fucked it up. Delivery was okay but then the follow up blows it.

This happens to everyone. The great thing about the meeting today was that although I felt I stumbled a bit… no one probably noticed because they were all sitting there rehearsing what they were going to say in their own minds. The same goes for pickups. Remember no one is judging you. People, girls included, are much more interested in how they look in a situation.

Anyway, I got this email from Christian Hudson of Master the Vibe. He answers some common questions regarding openers. One of the intersting thing he discusses is how to smoothly follow up an opener.

I’ve been trying to push my comfort level 20% in terms of being
more sexual, and I’m slowly making progress. I feel a little
bit out of character doing so sometimes, but I’m pushing for it
anyway.

Two quick questions that i’ve encountered in the field:

1. When using a compliment/direct interest opener, how do you
follow up the conversation and get it started? Most of the time
Whenever I do it it’s kind of like: Ex:

Me: Hey I saw you standing over here and I have to say I really
like your style, it’s really fun and crazy.

Her: Oh thanks. (smiles)

Me: (awkward pause) Ummmm…So where are you from?

Then things start to go slower, she looses interest and
eventually one of us bails. Any suggestions on handling this
sort of scenario. I really like more direct stuff and want to
get better.
———————

Dan, after speaking with you and now reading this, I’m getting a
feel for a consistent vibe that I think you’re putting off,
especially doing direct:
1.) you’re not confident enough to pull off the strong direct
opener
2.) you’re expecting her to pick up a lot of conversational
slack far too soon

But its cool, we can deal with both of these issues. We’re
going to split this up into two parts:
1.) Delivery Confidence
a.) nonverbals
b.) word choice

2.) Post-Delivery
a.) justifying the opener
b.) your energy
c.) the “non-transitionables”

DELIVERY CONFIDENCE - NOVERBALS
The key here is as follows: Your intent and your nonverbals
must be as direct as your words.

I use direct stuff like this all the time, because it gets right
to the point. But it takes a strong man to pull it off. Look her
in the eye. Say it with a sexual intent. Show her you take her
seriously

So when you’re walking up to her, you make direct, intimate eye
contact (review the Vibe Mastery Newsletter “Getting the Look”).
The look and vibe you’re emanating is very direct - no BS, very
strong. But also warm. You’re very much *in control* of
yourself and the interaction. She knows that you’re not there
to mess around and that you see her as a woman, not a girl.

DELIVERY CONFIDENCE - WORD CHOICE
Based on the conversations that you and I have had (and what I
know about a lot of other guys I’ve worked with), direct is
tough because you feel like you’re giving up control to a
woman - taking a risk, putting it all on the line. With the
proper nonverbals and delivery, this couldn’t be further from
the truth. Direct gives you almost complete control, because
you’ve stated your interest, and if she accepts your interest as
legitimate, she’s essentially agreed to continue talking to you
on your terms.

So now let’s look at your word choice: “I really like your
style, it’s really crazy and fun.”

Not bad - you’re justifying your interest in something about
her. But it is still very noncomittal, and pretty vague.
You’re not giving yourself a lot of control with such
generalities. How about something else?

“I love your style. You’ve got a great look - you must be very
creative.”

“I have to say - the way you’ve put your outfit together is so
creative. I love your sense of style.”

“Your style really stands out amongst everyone here, and I had
to get to know the person behind such a great outfit.”

POST-DELIVERY - JUSTIFYING THE OPENER
Now let’s talk about the transition out of that opener, assuming
she accepts it and says something like “oh, thanks.” In your
example, you’re jumping right into “interview questions” about
where she’s from, maybe what she does, etc… The problem here
is that you’ve thrown away whatever credibility your opener gave
you to talk to her, because you’ve not followed up on the
attribute on which you’re complimenting her. So let’s run
through a sample here that presents a better alternative:

YOU: “Hi there, I saw you from across the room and I have to say
- the way you’ve put your outfit together is so creative. I love
your sense of style.”

HER: “Oh, thanks…”

YOU: “Are you in the fashion business, or did your eye just
develop naturally?”

HER: “I guess it just kinda developed on its own.”

YOU: “That’s awesome, you definitely stand out in here. What’s
your name?”

HER: “I’m Danielle”

YOU: “Hey Danielle, I’m Daniel. Really cool to meet you.”

All of a sudden things are much warmer. Your opener has been
justified by your interest in the follow-up questions and is
congruent. Now you can move along to other topics like you hear
us all do on Master the Vibe.

POST-DELIVERY - YOUR ENERGY
Ok Dan, having spoken with you, I can see where this part of
your example comes from:
“(awkward pause) Ummmm…So where are you from?”

You’re a high energy guy. But in your head, you’ve just dumped
a lot of control onto the girl, and now you’re backing off and
hoping that she’s going to take up the slack. But let’s reverse
the situation (and if this hasn’t happened to you yet, get a
better haircut and some cool outfits). A girl comes up to you
out of the blue and says she likes your style. How would you
respond? Would you just start chatting about something with
her? Or would you be a little surprised, and need a second to
compose yourself?

Very few girls hear a real, genuine complement delivered in a
way that makes them believe it. When they do, it takes them
aback. So be prepared to transition into something else right
away. There should be no pauses, no akward silences. You
shouldn’t be expecting her to pick up on the energy just yet.

Its kind of like you’ve just popped someone with a taser, and
you’ve got to carry that person along for a second while you
wait for them to regain consciousness (note: please DO NOT use
tasers on women you’re talking to. This is illegal).

Keep giving energy to the interaction. If she accepted your
complement, keep flowing with a positive energy until she catches
up to you.

POST-DELIVERY - THE “NON-TRANSITIONABLES”
Thus far we’ve been using your opener on her style. This is
something she has developed and cultivated, so it is easy to
compliment her on it. And you can transition into questions of
how it developed, or mini cold-reads, like “you must be
creative.” But what about when you’re complimenting her on her
looks or some trait that she was born with? These are rare -
even a nice smile can be followed upon with a question about
whether she had braces. But in general, anything about her
overall look, beauty or energy falls into the category of what I
call “non-transitionable” direct openers.

“Hi, I just had to come over and say hello. You have an
incredible look - like a soft beauty - its very unique.”

“Excuse me - the way you move through this room - you have this
energy that is so attractive.”

“I have to tell you - you’re one of the most beautiful women
I’ve ever shared airspace with.”

These are intense and you better say them with some confidence.
But where do you go afterwards? Well, you have a few options.

You can use the line popularized by Style - “But one thing I’ve
learned is that beauty is common. Its more important what’s on
the inside. Wouldn’t you agree?” I don’t remember exactly how
it goes, but its not great right after such a strong opener.
You’ve already put her on the spot, and now you’re qualifying
her. Not likely to make her feel exactly comfy and cozy with
you.

You can go right into your transition. The only problem is that
it doesn’t allow for enough space for your complement to sink
in:
- “Wanna dance? (at the club)
- “So are you mailing classified documents to china, or are
those homemade brownies for your kid brother?” (at the post
office)
- “What brings you out tonight?” (at a bar)

But the best option here is to introduce yourself, then go into
your transition. It lets her warm up to you more, and for your
opener to sink in, before transitioning.

“Hey I gotta tell you - I wasn’t even planning on being out
tonight but I’m happy I came - you dance incredibly and it has
made my night to see you just now.”

“Wow, uhhh… thanks!”

“What’s your name?”

“I’m XXXXXXXX”

“Cool, I’m Christian. Are you with a promoter tonight, have a
table, here with friends…?”

That conversation happened verbatim at a club here in NYC called
Marquee, a few months ago. The girl was a model - dancing on a
couch - and things worked out well between her and I.

So Dan, I hope this answered your question and all the possible
permutations. Kind of a long answer but I didn’t want to leave
any stones unturned.

Let me know how things work out and if you want to hop on the
phone again. And as for you Tony, hope this was helpful
for you too.

MASTER THE VIBE UPDATE
All of July’s discs have shipped out. If you’re in Malaysia or
Singapore, it might be another week before they reach your
doorstep.

Also, look forward to receiving our August episode much sooner -
probably in the second week of the month - full of openers and
transitions to hook points.

Finally, Sebastian and I have settled on our plan for our
birthday celebration - can’t wait to share it with you.

Cheers,
Christian